GrubberBlubber's Xanga

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 09:17:51 GMT

HI ALLLLL

I'm abit tired of xanga for now. Go to www.myrrh.blogspot.com. Its my old one and its more reliable. I can't seem to update here, and my flooble box is gone and i'm really lazy to go get another one. sigh.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 10:25:27 GMT

SUNSHINE

I was in Lucky Garden doing some errands, when I met the morning sun. Gosh, it feels so good to have the sun in my face and on my skin. Its so.. warm. For once, i eliminated thoughts of shady shelters and let myself walk with the sun. Somehow, I felt a little more alive. Hehheheh.

The sun went away and it's pouring with rain now. It makes me sleepy.

On the bright side, I'm waking up earlier in the days. I'm being less of a night demon, just a demon now. HHAHAHAHHAHA. just kidding. No, I am turning into a morning child. Morning dew and sunshine + smiles and friendly waves to your neighbours + bright blue skies... eew. so fairy like right. I'm getting scared of myself... But then all this will change when jay gets back.

I havent had pork mee in ages. *gasp* i havent had pork mee at ALL this year!!! *gasp* Im a 2005 pork me virgin........noooo.... nvm. Soon, soon. *GASP* I havent had kopi peng this year either! I havent even set foot in a chinese coffee shop this year! gosh. this has got to change.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:03:21 GMT

I'M DECAYING?

Just when i thought things were better, they've gotten worse. I recovered from my cough attack more or less, without antibiotics or heavy medication, so i'm quite happy. But i'm still stuck at home. I only saw the light of day like, hm.. twice in the past week and yesterday. Other than that, i've been sitting around the house, listening to music, reading, watching tv, eating lots, and just waiting for nightfall where there are more good tv programmes.

Life has deserted me. Or... have I deserted life?

Everyone seems busy with their own thing. Somehow, people have kind of slipped away into worlds of their own, and oddly, we used to meet up every other day. Only a few best friends of mine have come around looking for me. I'm glad they do.

Being sick really sucks. Actually being sick for more than 3 days suck. Thats when you evaluate yourself, your friends, your purpose and meaning of life. Think. The only thing you're allowed to do when youre sick. Anything else would make you ill. I have a friend who's gone through the same thing. She was really depressed when she was sick. HAHA. I'm not weird. i hope..

Asides that, I met up with Zack on friday night. He's like a brother to me, thoguh I havent seen him in such a long time... We ended up in Karma in Hartamas, stumbled upon Happy Hour there, and didnt leave till 1am.. He made me feel much better about a lot of things, although i didnt have to mention them. He's the most humble and modest person I've ever come across. No matter where i end up, happy or sad, he makes me appreciate life and what i have better. He'll say something like "hey mannn fuck you mannn.. youre special, i'm special, we're no different. what the hell.. stop living a lie!!!" which actually makes me feel like yeah man what the hell, youre just like me, you've got problems too and youre just like anyone else man.. Plus the environment at KArma is such that no one gives a hoot who you are or what you're doing there. Karma plays silly old songs too, so that was great. I like it there... It was a good night.

Ahh. A saviour is coming to my house to lunch with me. Just when i thought i'd stay home yet again, ask the maid to cook something, and do my routine of tv-ing and so on..

The truth is, i wake up so late, that my sister or brother takes the car before me, leaving me absolutely motionless. Cars are very important. See what happens when you dont have a car? You'd end up like me; rot and slump around the house in your pjs till you decide to shower.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 04:32:35 GMT

HAPPY NEW YEAR

New year's eve wasnt as fun as I expected it to be. Partially because of me anyway. I got surprisingly drunk to the point where i couldnt stop puking. There is speculation that I might have been drugged. Then again, my fatigued body might not have been able to withstand the alcohol content absorbed. There were and there are many different possibilities as to how I became that way. Anyways, I got up with a normal hangover. The kind where everything's ok, just that you feel lethargic and abit lifeless and you feel really silly for what you did the night before. In my case, it was the excessive bogging, and everyone watching me. Gosh, I'll not forget this new year's eve. It's the most embarrasing state i've ever got myself into. I'm abit whisky-phobic at this point of time. I'll stick to my beers next time. Much safer.

The hangover left me a surprise gift. A cough. This cough gave me a headache, and later a fever. How bad could this get? I asked myself... Apparently, i should see a doctor. But i think not. The doctor will bombard me with antibiotics, syrup and pills. Yucks.

I'm currently recovering from this horrendous coughing fit. It sucks to be me right now. Ohh the pain. Ohh the horror.. *sigh*

So my dear friends, how was YOUR new years eve?

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 10:45:00 GMT

DRY SEASON...

Christmas came, and left.. Well technically there are supposedly 12 days of christmas.. but celebrations have ended. Coming up next, New Years Eve, New Years Day and the morning after.

I ate too much this year. For a week, I was a rubbish bin. I had so much food that I can't eat much now. Its like my tummy is going on strike or something. Graciously, I didnt get food poisoning. I was SO expecting that. OR diaorrhea at least. haha.

And now, as if I've been so hectic with people and food, I'm feeling really drained. I can just sit at home and do nothing and be happy. I'm feeling really awkward. I need some alone time. Or quiet gatherings. Just for now i guess. Night times are fine.. I always feel more alert and alive and uppy moody at night. It is the daytime(s) that make me feel useless.

Today I went for drinks at Telawi Street Bistro at 3pm. Caught up with some really good friends of mine and im back home again, after some shocking, heartshaking, brainbursting events, which i'm probably not in liberty of speaking of. Jay is away today, in Roturua? Rotorua? Rotuora? I dont know how to spell it. And i'm really (again) bored. I seem to feel bored on a constant basis.. There just isnt much to do! That sounds like a silly lame excuse for being lazy, which i hope i'm not.

I have put on weight.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 18:54:31 GMT

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Finally, it's here. After such a long anticipated period of time, my happy day is here.

I just got back from a vacation with my family. It wasnt exactly the best fun, but it was a vacation alright. I ate a lot... a LOT. I suspect i'll be ill for one or two days.. stomach congestion, i reckon..

Tongiht i went for midnight mass at St. Ignatius Church with Abel, Charmaine and Jill. We looked inside, got our dab of Holy water and ended up outside. We managed to sing along and pray so that was alright. We saw a guy with an odd hairstyle. Like professor Spock from StarTrek, but worse.

Our lil after party was at Dharoos. HAha. Twas a silent night.

At the mamak, there was this old chinese dude who drove an old grey nissan, revving with all his might, trying to parallel park his old car. Unfortunatly, from what i saw, it wasnt equipped with power steering. So i said "poor guy.. so kesian". He looked like he was struggling. Then, he parked (really senget mind you), and came out, walked right up to the edge of the tables and just stood there, said some things to himself, walked over to our side, and then got back into his car. Then he ignited the engine, and revved again and again and AGAIN. We were really scared. I realised he was not a 'poor guy so kesian' case after all. We think he has amnesia. Then he drove out of that lot, jerking the car and revving it, then 'tiong'ed this car which was trying to park. He flashed madly and revved so much that everyone in Dharoos freaked out. Then he revved off. I kid you not. He was revving as if he was stuck in a puddle of mud like that. Gosh. And then, about half an hour later, another old man in a old red car, Datsun or soemthing, stopped right in front of our table, got out, went somewhere, got back into his car and revved off. Weird. Old people, old cars, and revving. They must have a late-life crisis.

Anyways, that was my Christmas eve night. Tomorrow will be a full day of relatives and food and gifts exchange. sigh. I am tired.

Have yourself a merry christmas guys, its supposed to be a jolly holiday..

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 09:03:20 GMT

All Dressed Up and READY to Go

I'm ever ready today. Today I am in a 'i dont care' mood. I am dressed to go out, yet i've not been out except for my trip to the dentist and well well WELL. It'll be THREE FRICKIN MORE MONTHS more. hmm what for? For my braces to get off my teeth. My mouth is still stuffed with shimmering metallic accessory.. looks i'll be carrying my bundle into the next year.

Dr. Yap: Ah heLLOW stephanie. Lets see... hmm.. *sighhh* At this rate, I'll be meeting your kids and husband..
Steph: mmhmm. haha. hm... (not a very good sign, i gather)
Dr. Yap: AIYOHHH... ok la. Lets set a date. THREEEEEE months time la ha? I'm getting frustrated with your teeth
Steph: (*thinking* but i want nice teeth) okay.
Dr. Yap: SO... when are you graduating again?
Steph: .......

So my dear friends, dont ask me when they get off. For a split second, I believed the dentist. Yeah what if i get married and have two or three kids and STILL have braces. What a thought. touchwood!!Odd. Absolutely odd.

I smell Nestum.

I should have gone out.

I should have napped.

WHY did it rain...

argh.

Steph feels: agitated, restless, silly, & frustrated. What a day.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 13:13:36 GMT

YOU'LL HATE ME FOR THIS...

But I'm feeling Christmassy again. HAHHAHA.

I havent gone christmas shopping yet, except for myself. I got a few pairs of jeans, which out of three, two are a tad tight. I shall return them tomorrow if i can. Gosh it looked alright at the shop, but when i brought it home, it was so tight to the point that my hips kind of hurt. AND my legs look chickeny. In other words, like bapok, you know, so skinny. I had a butt though. Thing is, I think i've put on weight at the hips, but i'm in denial, so i grabbed a size 27. I cant do S anymore. I keep telling myself the jeans will loosen after a few washes.. So i'm still wondering if i should go change them or leave it be and let it stretch with my inching hips.

Okay that was my stupidity for today.

Asides that, I am in a way not really looking forward to Christmas day. Its not as thrilling as I'd expect it to be. I have nothing much to look forward to. The only event i want to be blessed with will only happen in January. Nevertheless, it shall not dampen my Xmas season.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 18:13:39 GMT

WONDERFUL

I was watching a program on MTV earlier. Salute to Annie Lennox. I find her intriguing. Her voice, her music, her dress sense... I think she looks elegant.

I've had such a slow day. Sundays are such slow days. Sundays are also chore days. I dont really like Sundays. On the contrary, its a day where I am forced to spend time with myself. I am extra EXTRA lazy on sunday. It'd take me ages to put on a shirt, jeans and step out of the house for a drink. This doesnt happen all the time, but often enough to let me notice these things about myself. Saturdays, on the other hand, are totally chaotic. Everyone happens to be free, everyone wants to meet up, everyone wants me to do something or other, and I am constantly sprinting from one scene to another. Again, this doenst happen all the time, but enough for me to notice.

Funny how when you've got absolutely nothing to do, you're left alone to deal with your sadness. By saying sadness, i mean the utter waste of time. And when you've got a hundred red ants to kill, a thousand bees drop by to sting you, and you spend your time trying to kill the ants AND the bees.

I spoke to an artist last night. We were talking about religion. He said "i believe in face. i believe in your face, my face and the face of others. religion is a story. you wont believe it unless you believe in your own face". It's kinda stuck in my head. Maybe its the way he said it. For once, i kept quiet. Its true you know... You kinda HAVE to believe in yourself, for no one, not even God can help you if you dont believe in yourself. This doesnt mean anyone should cut God away from their lives. He gave you life. Use it. Pardon me... I'm not speaking of a particular religion, but the general view of religion.

I realise the paragraph above reflects nothing on what i wrote in the first three paragraphs. HAHHAHAHA. My mind is going everywhere. I am really missing Jay. It'd kill me to count the days left till i can see him again. So I'm going at this new 'lets not think of the date, so when the time comes it'll be like oh wowwee! whoosh! where did the rest of the days go? what happened!? hey man, time flies!' Unfortunatly, its not really working. I'm remembering the days AND the dates, and i am aware of the time that "flies".

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 12:36:18 GMT

A Special Shout Out

To my one, my love, my heart.

Happy Birthday

May all you wish for come true, and may you succeed in all that you do.

Love,
Steph